The Fall of a Hero

I've been missing from this blog for several months, and from much of the rest of my world.  I apoligize to my fans for disappearing, and I feel as though I owe you an explanation.  This may take more than one post, but I find myself wanting to talk about what happened over the last year.

You see, I lost my hero, the man I have looked up to and admired for more than 60 years.  My dad.  I want to talk about him, about who he was and what he meant to me.

Over the last couple years I have watched dementia slowly steal the man I knew.  It was heart-breaking to watch this vital, larger-than-life man reduced to a confused and debilitated man battling with his private demons.

In the end he slipped away in his sleep on the 17th of August.  It was both a tragedy and a blessing, and brought grief, relief, and guilt for feeling relieved, in equal measures.  I will always miss him, but the man I grew up with would not have chosen those last months of dependency and loss of control.

Dad wasn't a conventional hero.  He didn't fly planes, or charge into burning buildings, or chase bad guys.  But he was my hero.  There are many things I want to say about him, to tell you why he was important.

I thought I was ready.  I had the words in my head to tell you what I want you to know.  But I still can't.  Sometime soon, I hope.

In the meantime, I hold onto one thing: Just a few days before he died, I got a revised cover image for the first book in the new series (it's getting a couple tweaks, and I hope to have it to post later in the week). 

This is the first book under the Fifield name.  My dad's name. 

I was able to email a copy to my mother, and she took it to show Dad - the first time the name he passed down to me appeared on the cover of a book.

I like to think he approved.